I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
