Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She needs sedatives and a leash
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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