I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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