had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize