Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
