Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
