I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
