So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
