Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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