True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
