U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
