i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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