yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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