i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
