Got a toothbrush?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize