His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize