wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude i'm inner monologue high
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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