you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
