i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
