It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
