You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize