i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
