Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
