Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
