Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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