Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My penis needs a shock collar
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think people are normalizing furries
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize