I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
did i just pee glitter
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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