She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He passed out mid-signature
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
