My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
