moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it's like heaven, but drunker
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
