I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
