no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize