She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
