i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
