I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he was CRYING into my vagina
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My ass is underappreciated
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
