Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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