I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
