Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
