I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
