you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize