I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
