I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
