This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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