I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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