Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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