Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
