The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
