Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
