i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
