y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
