Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize