Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
