i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
