I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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