Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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