i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize