"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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