So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
