we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
