im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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