please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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