You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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