Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
